She Sure is {Sketchy} – A Return

A few months ago I had a creative crisis that resulted in the symbolic breaking of a 4b pencil over my knee. I declared myself the un-artist. It was done in an eff-this-crap kind of way.
Here’s the thing — the low down is this:
IT IS THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD UNTIL IT SUCKSTwo months ago it sucked. I was so OVER it. I stopped blogging, I stopped drawing. I still had to go to my totally artistic job-job. While there, in one of the more creative adventures of my life, (an irony not lost on my Pratt friends) I built a video game with an amazing team of people. Other than that I declared myself NONARTIST.

My dad (a fineartist) was rather supportive. However, he also managed to piss me off by laughing at me.
–“Sorry, kid – It’s too late. You’re an artist. It’s OK to take a break”

“NO! I am not taking a BREAK! I am DONE! I say who… I say when…”
(When I am truly lost I retreat in to quoting Pretty Woman).

Anyway. They were right. I was wrong. I’ll blog more about this later. I’m actually a driven and dedicated artist who had a total meltdown. It might help my readers to know that that stuff happens even when you’re not painting starry nights or sculpting vaginas — and on that warm and fuzzy note…
Yesterday I went to the zoo. I innocently thought I’d maybe take a pen. Then I thought I might want to take some written notes or write a letter. I’d need some paper. Last Spring Ashley Robison organized my studio to absolute dream perfection, making paper oh-so-accessible. Fine. I thought I’d tip-toe in to that scary space I haven’t been in since May. She’d mounted some hanging clipboards for me up against a wall. I reached in to the room. This way I didn’t have to fully cross the threshold. I ripped a pre-papered clipboard down and scampered towards the Bronx with it.
It started innocently enough. There was this polar bear. He was a show off.
I sketched him without thinking about it.

Later, on the monorail, there were some deer.

So  this just happened:

Totally understandable.
We happened upon this expansive bramble of peacocks.
I watched them for a long time. So long, I absently doodled them on the edge of my clipboard.
Nothing wrong there. Sometimes non-artists doodle! Whatever.

We packed up at the end of a looong day of Bronxing. I stepped on the 2 train.Then we hit 129th street. I thought, maybe I should just look at those sketches…

By the time we hit Carroll Street, things had gotten out of hand. Apparently I’m an artist, and I’m back. Expect more blogging.
(Credit for All Photos Goes to April Alvarez, my kid sister who is more than actively shutterbugging her vacation in NYC).

9 replies »

  1. SSSIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHH.
    I know!
    Your dad is right, I'm sorry he laughed at you, but I'm glad he laughed at you. Because no one else could or would have (even me, and in retrospect it was the right thing to do).
    Girl you are stuck that way. Like they told you would happen if you turned your eyelids inside-out one too many times to gross out other little kids.
    When I was 20 I dropped out of art school because I didn't want doing it for a living to suck the life out of me. Now that happens about once a year but it always comes back and the rest of the time more than makes up for that. We are Weebles.
    You will never fall down.
    Glad you're feeling more upright.
    xo

  2. It's good to take a break. The problem is actually stopping. For good. It doesn't happen. I remember when someone asked me what I would do if I didn't write. And I realized I had never thought about it. At all. I don't know what I am without that.

    Breaks are good. They are healthy. You won't stop though. It will always sneak back into your bones.

    Good to see you're back. Love the sketches.

  3. Wow! I just stopped by your blog today! This is the same day I started blogging again after a 2 month hiatus. Life, my job and sidelines got in the way and I thought I wont ever have time for this but I did again today!

    Im so glad your back again to your art and your blog!
    You inspire me so I hope your back for good!

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