She Sure is {Searching}

I sit, poised at the ready, brush in hand. I dash. I stab. Then I just. watch. I try to refrain from jumping in. It’s a struggle.
wpid-img_20150301_193121.jpg

There is not fixing and there is no forcing. I am fast learning I can make a painting bend and fold to my will but it’s just not worth the loss. I keep fighting for the freedom of my paint. I slap my own hand away on the regular. It’s a growth period for me as an artist and for my art as a living breathing entity too. I fail at letting my art breathe. I fail a lot. I fail much less than I used to. When I fail, inevitably I begin anew. Keeping the work I’ve overly controlled isn’t an option I entertain. The energy is what I’m trying to capture, lightning in a bottle. That means starting fresh.
wpid-img_20150301_193617.jpg

This afternoon I watched a dab of Cerulean careen down the page – and I ever so slightly…compromised. Where before I would have swooped in and saved the skier speeding toward untimely death – I let them take the risk – instead I just moved the mountain, Arches 120lb, a tip to the left. The skier is free, left to move at will…almost. That’s happening more and more. Every. single. time. feels like a miracle. It’s almost one I don’t want to put in to words…. except –
wpid-img_20150301_190617.jpg

I know that the difference is me. I show up. I show up every day. I show up like I haven’t since college. Even one better – I show up like a boss. College was manic. This year is professional. 3pm-8pm or 4pm-11pm. Those are my office hours. No phone calls on Saturday. Sunday I sleep in and I get out early – 5 or 6pm. The rest of the time is just me and the paint. It’s life changing. It’s letting me move mountains – well Arches, and even though gains are small, they’re consistent.
wpid-img_20150224_151022.jpg

So like I said, almost a miracle I don’t want to jinx – except for this…
wpid-img_20150301_124412.jpg

I realize a massive improvement in my work when I’m listening to Sam Smith, or This American Life, or Dinner Party Download. I notice a change after reading Hans Bacher, or Robert Henri, or Kat Yeh for a half an hour or so before bed. I notice a change after a phone call about craft with Mika Song or a chat about process with Marcie Colleen and Joyce Wan. I’m in an active collective @ProvoStudio, where I’m gobsmacked by gorgeous, stretching art every time I go refresh my water. I see the change in me and mine. So that’s the secret. It’s why I need to share. As an artist – of any kind – I’m realizing how defening and vital doing your best work is. It fuels other artists. Their art in turn fuels you and together. Together we can move mountains.
wpid-img_20150301_191803.jpg

thank you. for being you. Thank you for showing up today. For your art. For me.

Categories: Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

#LaterGram

Working title: 'Spring Green, en plein air' 
In other news, it's 72° in Utah today where grilled goat cheese & cucumber has me at hello. Point and shoot. 
#isthisreallife #utahskies Grateful for the recent influx of friends visiting us here in UT - Most nights @matteck35 I are in bed and streaming Netflix before 11, but the Brooklyn Kids arrive and remind us that we're young and fun and that the night still belongs to bright lights and bonfires. 🔥 🎶 ✨ Last week we toasted that fluke of a night I stepped into @61local and locked eyes with this dreamy man for the very first time. @matteck35 has been mine ever since. So far away from where we started, I'm lucky every day I have the sweetest part of my love affair with Brooklyn right here by my side. #soclassy #tbt #mushy #downunderthemanhattanbridgeoverpass #Repost @textsfromyourexistentialist
・・・a new to me favorite. #Lautrec. Spring please. 🤞
#roomwithaview Our love is al dente & caliente.

#roastedredpeppers & #freshpasta with #lemonricotta & #babyarugula too. (The meatballs are from Kirkland, in case anyone thinks this is a @Matteck35 dish, it's just inspired by my loooooove for him.) #valentines #ourloveisaldenteycaliente And the flowers have glitter on them!! #truewuv #valentine Buen buen día.
%d bloggers like this: